White Van Man

Series 1 - Episode 5

Episode 5

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Van man Dan has tried his hand at many jobs, including being a pilot in South Africa and a high-flying stockbroker. However, when his consultancy firm went bust, he decided to start a white-van empire. He now has over 40 drivers on his books, although his approach still has a homespun feel to it.

First thing in the morning, Dan plans to hold a driver’s meeting in his kitchen. However, never one
for an early start, Dan is late for an appointment in his own house. To mollify his cranky workers, he fixes everyone a bacon and sausage butty, although the final offering is rather burnt.

For the first job of the day, Dan and his teenage sidekick Carlton have been contracted to shift 400 bricks across town, with nothing to aid them but wheelbarrows. It soon becomes apparent that the job will take much longer than the two hours for which Dan has charged. To make matters worse, he and Carlton neglect to count the bricks they are loading, and eventually stack an extra 100 into the back of the lorry. Luckily for them, when they unload them at the client’s house they have several willing child volunteers to help. Still, what was meant to be a small job has taken them all day. However, they receive some rather cloudy homemade wine as their reward for a job well done.

The next day, Carlton has damaged his knee so attends a house-moving job in a strictly supervisory capacity. However, it soon becomes apparent that the new role has gone to his head, and the assistant starts to hand out orders. Will his boss Dan like this reversal of roles?

Septuagenarians Bob Atkinson and Pete Ponting are pest controllers, and no doubt two of the oldest white-van men in Britain. In their advanced years they have learned to take things easy, sometimes at the cost of a job. After unsuccessfully tackling a wasp infestation, the pair are called out to an estate with a rabbit problem. The workmen’s fee is simple – they get to keep any rabbits they kill. Pete, a seasoned gamekeeper, has a good idea as to what to do with the dead bunnies. “Pan fried with breadcrumbs is absolutely beautiful,” he says. Will he and Bob have any luck at shooting the animals, or will they go hungry that evening?

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