Sex Pod: The big O!

This week, 19-year-old Ellie took to the Sex Pod sofa to ask a question that has been on her mind for a while: “I’ve never had an orgasm during sex and I just wanted to know, how can I achieve one?”

Ellie brought a very important topic to the table because rather than being an exception, she’s actually more the rule. And that’s because women often have more trouble climaxing than men, especially through just penetrative sex.

How common is orgasming through sex?

While one in three women find it difficult to orgasm through sex in general, as many as 80% of women find it difficult to orgasm through penetrative sex alone.

What makes climaxing more difficult for women?

Ellie told Sex Pod that she had never had an orgasm before, not even through masturbation. She said she had only masturbated a couple of times but couldn’t get in the mood, and was waiting for a man to finally get her there. BUT she complained that every time she has felt close to the big O, the guy she has been with has already climaxed and hasn’t bothered to help her get any further.

There can be many factors that determine whether or not a woman climaxes. Many women need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm which is why pure penetrative sex doesn’t quite do it, but other there are other key factors involved. For example it’s important for a woman to be having sex with a partner who is patient and attentive to her needs, as it often takes women a while to climax.

A common mistake people can make is varying their technique too often – if something feels good for a woman but their partner stops doing it, then they can easily lose that impending orgasm.

How can I make sure I orgasm during sex?

Let’s face it, sex without orgasms is just not as fun and can be pretty frustrating in the long run. Our Sex Pod sexperts came together to give Ellie advice on how she can make sure she benefits just as much from sex as her partner.

Firstly, they said, you need a partner who is willing to invest time and effort in getting you to orgasm. Secondly, you need to know your own body and what you enjoy, and thirdly it’s then vital that you’re assertive and vocal in order to communicate to your sex bud exactly what that is.

But there are also physical techniques you can try out. Author of ‘Great British Sexpert’ Rebecca Dakin recommended stimulating the clitoral area with the man’s penis. “Use his penis as a massage stick… and you can alternate penetration and doing that,” she said. That way the woman “could have a clitoral orgasm with penetration going on at the same time.”

Sex advice columnist Alix Fox also recommended a technique called ‘orbiting’ when the woman’s nearing orgasm, which involves their partner moving their fingers in a figure of eight around her clitoral area.

What did Ellie learn?

Ellie said that Sex Pod encouraged her not to be scared to speak up about her preferences. She also said she learnt not to rely on a guy to get her to orgasm – that there are things you can do yourself that will help you get there, and that she needed to take control of her own pleasure in order to ensure a guy can pleasure her.

Everyone is so different and only you can know what actually turns you on. So go on – empower yourself by understanding your own body and speaking up, so that you can make sure you’re getting yours.

Until next week, Sex Pod-ers!