Livin’ Libido Loca

This week Oli came in to ask Sex Pod for some advice. “I’ve got a very high libido,” he said, “and it’s out of control, what do I do?”

Glad you asked Oli! Our sex professionals are always happy to help.

The reason Oli was worried about his high sex drive, or high libido, is he felt that going without doing the naughty put him in a foul mood and made him behave aggressively to others. He said he felt he needed to have sex twice a day, and that it made him feel on top of the world whenever he did.

What determines your libido?

As our sex professionals pointed out, libido is not set in stone. You aren’t born with a high libido or a low libido, it changes throughout your life. It depends on your experiences and on psychological factors, like if someone is bipolar and in a manic phase they are more likely to have a very high sex drive and have more sexual partners.

It also depends on things like stress and exhaustion (which can really take out the sexy in life).

So just because Oli felt like he wanted to have sex twice a day and thought about it 50-60% of the time, doesn’t mean he’s always felt that way, and it doesn’t mean he’ll always feel that way.

Can your libido cause you problems?

Whether you have little or an overwhelming desire for sex, libido can cause problems in relationships.

In Oli’s case, it used to cause arguments between him and his girlfriend as whenever she said no to sex he couldn’t understand why and thought it was because she didn’t fancy him as much as he fancied her.

When a couple have different sex drives it can cause rifts. The person who wants more sex may feel frustrated, guilty for asking their partner to have sex when they don’t want to, or rejected – they might feel, like Oli, that their partner doesn’t desire them. They could also feel like there’s something wrong with them, for wanting sex as much as they do.

The person who wants less sex can also feel guilty for not being able to satisfy their partner’s desire, or feel pressured to have sex when they don’t want to.

So you can see how different libidos within relationships can cause problems.

How common is it to have different libidos in relationships?

Having said this, couples who have different libidos are VERY common. And, because libido is so dependent on other factors, there’s no reason to assume that it is simply a loss of desire for the other person. Many people go into relationships with the same libido and things change over time, but remember they can easily change again!

What can I do if my libido is causing problems?

There are actually some things you can do to decrease your high libido. For example, taking up sports will use up some of that extra energy, and taking up mindfulness or yoga is a good way to relax and take your mind away from the subject of sex.

Equally, if you feel like you have an addiction to sex and it’s causing you anxiety or stress, you can definitely go to see a doctor who would help you get in touch with a psychologist or psycho therapist. There are always people who can help clear things up about why you might be addicted to sex and who can offer you support.

The same if you are suffering from low libido, which happens to most people at some point in their life. If your sex life has become a stress, it’s always worth seeking help –  sex is meant to be enjoyable, and it would be a shame to miss out.

Till next time Sex Pod-ers!